Don't Fuck In The Woods 2016 movie review. Production companies Concept Media, Vultra Video, Dopest Shit Ever, Jonestown Films. Directed by Shawn Burkett. Unrated, running time 73 minutes.


                                

Warning this review contains vaginas, boobs, butts, penis's I knew that would grab your attention, well it certainly contains the three B's Blood, Boobs and Butts, and is quite unashamed by this, everything you'd expect from a title that says Don't Fuck In The Woods. From director Shawn Burkett this crowdfunded movie, and you know this movie is fucking ace, yes it is low budget, but what the fuck it is amazing, the acting isn't great, but I have seen a lot worse on movies three to four times the budget on this movie. The standout of cause is Brittany Blanton Who is positively gorgeous, the perfect final girl, a real woman with curves, great ass, real boobs, and can actually act, and the woman who I wanted to be the final girl, and was not disappointed. This is a creature feature movie, that doesn't dwell on the creature too much, the offspring of the Predator meets Ghoulies, quite simply yes it is someone in a latex suit, but I don't care, practical effects is what makes a great horror, not fookin' CGI, hell Sam Raimi made Evil Dead, using cheap practical effects, and having family and friends to help out with filming and monster effects, and that's the impression I got from this film, a bunch of folk who were all probably best buds with Shawn Burkett, who had this genuine passion to make this movie.
We have real actors, with curves, and extra pounds, mainly the men, and you know real people are like that, not the stick thin, muscle toned abs you get from other horror movies, everything is real in this movie including the nakedness and boobs, for once "real women" women with curves, with flaws and I loved this movie for that.
You can actually tell Shawn had a real passion for horror movies, with a great script that reminded me of Scream, with the characters discussion on horror movies, and the use of the final girl, saying too many modern movies were  just about looks, when in older movies it was about character, such as Dee Wallis, Barbara Crampton, Jamie Lee Curtis, which in fairness it was, these women didn't need to get naked to prove they were great women, because they could act.
A movie that is crying out for a sequel, with this movie not out staying it's welcome being just over sixty minutes long, with a great gag reel lasting ten minutes so seventy minutes of pure escapism, it is not trying to be a big budget horror, it is what it is pure indie film making at it's best, that isn't perfect, with all its flaws making it the best real movie I have seen this year. Bloody, booby blood soaked mayhem that I loved.
4\5****

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