Showing posts from June, 2016

Lake Placid Vs Anaconda (2015)Film Review. UFO international.Distributed by Destination Films. Directed by A.B.Stone. Certificate 15 running time 92 minutes. Shown on Syfy

I came across this last night, I like crap movies, B movies are ace, what's not to like about this it has cops, scientists,armed mercenaries, sorority girls, in bikinis the entire running time, Boobs,bums,the same really bad, crap actress from Hard Target and Robert Frekin England, what could go wrong. As it turns, just about everything, this movie is dreadful, not just bad in a good way type thing, no it is fookin awful. I can forgive bad acting, in these films it is expected, but this brought wooden to a new level, god cabinets from Ikea could act better than the efforts on screen here. I always thought Yancy Butler was the worst thing in Hard Target, with even Van Damme  out acting her, well you know 23 years later she hasn't improved,and if according to Wikipedia she is only 45, yeah and the rest!!
The CGI is atrocious, like even the special effects guys cannot be bothered, with what I was expecting to see a gore fest,and completely wimping out, you see no arms,limbs, no on…

The Call Up (2016) Film Review. Distributed by Altitude UK. Written and Directed by Charles Barker. Released 20th June 2016. Certificate 15, running time 87 minutes.

I knew nothing about this unknown little British indie Sci-fi thriller,directed by first timer Charles Barker,and what a great debut it is too. A low budget film,with higher end looking production values,although set in New York,it is definitely a British film with a mainly British cast. Think of it as a cross between Gamer,and Lawnmower Man,with Call Of Duty thrown in,a story about a bunch of gamers choosen at random,to test a new Beta Virtual Reality first person shooter game. With the Virtual reality so lifelike,you see proper people,proper blood,gaping wounds on the soldiers they are fighting,a gamers wet dream,with a feeling of kick backs,and smell of gun discharge from the weapons they are firing. Unfortunately the fighting is a little too real,being told the first bullet will take away the protected armour,the second will do damage,it is only when one is shot and fatally wounded,they realise the Virtual Reality suits they are wearing have pain sensors where you are shot,and like…

Pride And Prejudice And Zombies. (2016) Film Review.Distributed by Lionsgate. Screen Gems. Director by Burr Steers. Released on DVD and Bluray 27th June 2016. Certificate 15 running time 108 minutes.

Oh one sure decided to watch the wrong film tonight,it was this or Victor Frankenstein,and I choose this. A film that is neither satire,or even a comedy movie, spending far too much time on the costume drama,with admittedly very high production values,and very good actors,who are normally accustomed to the odd period drama.

The thing that struck me was it was incredibly boring,like a period drama would be,with a silly side plot of Zombies. Not a satire type of movie I thought it would be. Sticking far to closely to the story of the Bennett sisters like in the Jane Austin original. As I said it is devoid of any comedy satire,it apparently wants to be,and is not scary enough to be a horror either.

Just a terrible movie,a very confused movie to say the least. A film that completely missed its mark,a film that could have actually been a very clever hybred Into drama and horror,but failing miserably on all fronts. Yes it is well acted,good production values, looking like an expensive peri…

Cabin Fever (2016) Film Review. Production Companies DragonflyEntertainment,Pelican Point Media,Elevated and Armory Films.Distributedby IFC Midnight. Directed by Travis Z. Released on DVD and Bluray in the UK on 27th June 2016 on Arrow Films Certificate 15.

A film that is barely 10 years old requires a reboot is beyond me,with a movie industry slowly running out of ideas,with the first film being so overrated,well in my opinion anyway,with the best of the franchise being Number three Patient Zero. With this effort being nothing more than a shot for shot remake of the original,from a director I have never heard of called Travis Z. Once again Eli Roth has put his name to another dreadful effort,a director that has always been like an excitable teenager,with a video camera,who come on in all fairness,has he ever made a decent film,with the opposite of the Midas touch where everything turns to gold,everything he touches turns to shit. In just over a year he has either directed,produced or written some of the worst films and TV series put to celluloid South Of Hell, Knock Knock,and The Green Inferno. I just wished he would have never put his name to this,and at least saved himself some credibility. If you are going to watch a film about kids…

Curse Of The Witching Tree (2015) film review. Distributed by 4Digital Media. Directed by James Crow.

Curse Of The Witching Tree is a small independent British movie, directed by James Crow.
When a family moves into this farmhouse, a house which is well below market value. Who are being warned subconsciously by the locals about strange things going on with the house.
The Mum is trying to keep her family from imploding due to the fact her husband,their Dad is in a coma, to an unknown reason. We have a rebellious teenager daughter who is constantly battling with her Mum. We have a younger teenage brother,already being bullied at his new school. By being told of the awful things that happened at the house,a mass murder of children followed by a suicide in the barn. Also talk of an old curse of an innocent woman, being accused as a witch,and being hung and  quartered and being buried in 9 places.

To fit in and to avoid the bullying Jake agrees to a seance at the barn,to talk to any spirits. With the spirits of the children being raised,and scaring the bullying teenagers. What we have lef…

American Ultra (2015) Film Review. Distributed by Lionsgate Films US, Entertainment In Video UK. Directed by Nima Nourizadeh. Certificate 15, running time 96 minutes.

Although this is not a new release this week,I'm reviewing it as I recently brought it,and it is a cracking film,starring two stars that are like Marmite you either like them or hate them,personally I like Jesse Eisenberg,Zombieland and The Social Network being my favourites he starred in,then again Kristen Stewart,is an actress that I normally avoid, Twilight can just F@@k off,an actress who looks incredibly smug,but also incredibly grumpy at the same time. I very nearly avoided this movie because she was in it,well I'm glad I didn't as it really is a great action movie. A story about CIA sleeper agents,trained to kill,trained assassin's without knowing it,a programme long forgotten about,with all subjects returning to their normal lives,but with a code word will be automatically activated into the program once more,think of it as Dazed And Confused meets Jason Bourne and you get the idea.
With two leads that really do work well together,and actually look like they are…

He Never Died (2014) Film Review.Produced by 108 Media, AlternateEndingStudios. Directed by Jason Krawczyk

Released today 20th June 2016 in the UK on DVD by Gilt Edge Media, certificate 18.
What if your life is so mundane,and the most excitement you get is playing bingo three times a week with the pensioners,at your local church,the rest of the time is spent eating boring food,at a Time Square Diner. Your only social interaction is with your 80 year old landlady,oh and you find out you have a 19 year old daughter who turns  up on your door step one day.You have two goons trying to kill you,numerous times,and failing miserably  at all times.and you have a suitcase full of money and various memorabilia.and old antiques,spanning centuries.

Meet Jack the socially awkward loner, a nice guy who keeps getting punched,shot at,poisoned and strangely doesn't fight back.but doesn't bruise,or die either,a man who is hinted at being 1000's of years old,a man who could crush and take your life with one punch,but chooses not too. To explain Jack would be giving too much away,but he says hims…

The Forest (2016) Film Review.Distribution by FocusFeatures,GramercyPictures,Icon Film Distribution.Directed by Jason Zada.

Released today on DVD and Bluray 20th June On Icon,a film surrounded in controversy,and actually upsetting the Japanese tourist board,about a real place that not only is a beauty spot,a tourist destination,but also a place of sadness,that has had it fair share of sucides in the Forest. To the extent so much the Japanese government do not release the numbers of sucides in this Forest ,and warnings are placed to discourage potential suicides,with a sign saying "life is precious " or something along those lines,and a number to find help. In one year alone over 200 potential suicides happened in Aokigahara Forest with 54 of those becoming successful. So the locals have this notion that it is haunted with restless souls.
The director and writer of this film was surprised that no film had been  made about this place,and this is where the notion for this film came from. With negative reviews on all online sites,and staring Game Of Thrones Natalie Dormer playing duel roles, twin si…

Dark Signal (2016) Film Review. Directed by Edward Evers-Swindell. Distributed by Kaleidoscope Home Entertainment.

I'm warning you I'm tired,miserable,sleep deprivated with only three hours sleep,then I have to watch this pile of turd. Why? it is one of this weeks new releases,and it is endorsed by Neil Marshall so I thought it might be good. A ghost story with a serial killer ark built in,across two multiple storylines,one in which a woman is a lookout driver for her boyfriend who is robbing this house,he says is a Premier footballers house,who owes him £40,000 and is trying to steal back what he is owned,whilst on private land,with a menacing farmer who starred in Braveheart. The other story is of a radio station performing its last broadcast from its remote locatio,as the station is being centralised to a national radio station,with a pissed off Katie Perry lookalike as the DJ, and her geeky producer. Set in the Snowdonian mountain range in Wales,although the aerial shots of the mountains and lush landscapes is stunning,and yes I do love my holidays in Wales. Most of it is wasted as it …

Bone Tomahawk (2015) Film Review.A Dallas Sonnier& Jack Heller Production.Written and directed by S. Craig Zahler. Distributed by RLJ Media Us,The Works Group UK. Released on DVD and Bluray June 13th UK.

Bone Tomahawk or Tombstone meets The Green Inferno is the third most violent western of the last year, with Salvation, The Hateful Eight and This film,starring Kurt Russell obviously straight out of filming The Hateful Eight,with the beard he had grown,why not make good use of that beard and star in another western. Well is this film any good,well yes as westerns go it is a watchable film,on par with his nineties film Tombstone,not as good as the Hateful Hate,but a million times better than The Green Inferno,starring bloodthirsty cannibals. Yes we have a new genre now Horror westerns,with the British film Blood Moon last year,a werewolf western combo. This film starring Patrick Wilson,Matthew Fox and Richard Jenkins,with in my opinion the two best performances going to Wilson and Jenkins with an unrecognisable Matthew Fox,who plays an arrogant cock of a man,who actually makes the predicament worse for the quartet by being gun happy and shooting two Mexicans, which the rest of their pa…

The X Files The Event Series (2016) Released Today 13th June On DVD and Bluray.

The X Files The Event Series released today on 3 disk DVD and 2 Disk Bluray,with 2 Hours of Bonus features. The whole world was excited to hear that Mulder and Scully would return onto our screens once more. With only a brief series event consisting of only 6 episodes Episode 1 "My Struggle" Episode 2 " Founder's Mutation" Episode 3 " Mulder And Skully Meet The Were Monster" Episode 4 "Home Again" Episode 5 "Babylon" Episode 6 " My Struggle 2" Special Features  Audio commentary on Founder's Mutation with Chris Carter and James Wong. Audio commentary on Mulder and Scully meet The Were Monster with David Duchovny,and Gillian Anderson,Kumail Nanjiani,and Darin Morgam. Audio commentary on My Struggle 2 with Chris Carter and Gabe Rotter. Deleted scenes. 43:45- The Making of a Struggle. Season X gag reel. Monsters of the week; a recap from the wildest and scariest from the original series. The X Files;Green Production. Short film- G…

Zoombies (2016) Film Review. Produced by David Michael Latt. Written byScott Mullen. Directed by Glenn Miller. Available on DVD 13th June UK.

Zoombies or a poor mans Jurrassic World,is surprisingly a fun movie,with shocking acting,dodgy CGI except for the original Capuchin Monkeys,who are actually scarily realistic,and terrifying.  Directed by Glenn Miller the Director of Sharknado 2,Zombie Apocalypse,and Silver Case. Starting off in the fictional Zoo, called Eden,the only Zoo,to have all the most endangered animals in one place,a haven for nearly all extinct animals,a zoologist dream 50 years in the making,overseeing from his Granddaughters point of view Dr Ellen Rogers ( Kim Nielson) with her cute as a button and extremely annoying daughter Thea (Lala Nestor). Yes just like in Jurassic World we have a woman in charge of the largest Zoo ever created, with surprisingly very few staff, for a park acres long. We are introduced to a coach full of New interns,ready to be trained up, Gage ( Andrew Asper), A.J (Aaron Groben), Amber (Brianna Chormer),Ricky (Isacc Anderson), and Ty (Reuben Uy) to name a few.
In the first 40 minute…

DEADPOOL (2016) Film Review. Produced by Lauren Shuler Donner,Simon Kinberg, Ryan Reynolds.Distributed by 20TH Century Fox. Directed byTim Miller. Released on DVD and Bluray June 13th

This has to be one of the coolest films I have seen,a film that is way to smart for its own good,I really cannot stress how funny,and clever this script is,with a sense of humour that is actually taking the piss out of the Marvel Universe especially the 20TH Fox movies. The star of this has to be Ryan Reynolds,an actor that I have always thought as being incredibly underrated I have always liked him,even his rom-coms and I have seen most,I am married you know, and my wife do choose the films sometimes. My faves are Buried,a one man movie that proved this guy can act,without getting his pecs  out, Safe House,in which he was Denzil Washington's equal, Selfless was decent,so was The Voices,and one of my guilty pleasures Smoking Aces. When he was announced as the title Dead Pool character or Wade Wilson,we all had flashbacks to X-Men Origins Wolverine,that completely bastardised the character we all knew from the comics,a wise ass joke cracking superhero and they sew his fucking mout…

Super (2010) Film Review. This Is That Ambush Entertainment.Written,produced and directed by James Gunn. Distributed by G2PicturesUK.

You know every now and then you come across a film that somehow you have missed and think "how the hell did this film pass me by" well this is that film directed by James Gumm the director of Tromeo and Juliette,Slither and recently Gaurdians Of The Galaxy. I found this Bluray surprisingly in my local pound shop. And what a film it is,coming out the same year as Kick Ass, I can imagine like myself thinking this was a cheap straight to video effort to coincide with the release of previous mentioned film. I was reading an article in a film magazine on James Gunn,that this film came up,saying how good it is,and probably is that one film that has slipped under the radar for most people,so I saw the trailer and it blew me away,and realised  I needed a copy,finding it for a pound was the cherry on the cake.
Starring Rainn Wilson,Ellen Page,Kevin Bacon and Liv Tyler,in a very violent,but very sweet adult style fairy tale,about a man wanting to win his wife back,from a local drug d…

10 Cloverfield Lane (2015) Film Review. Distributed by ParamountPictures. Directed by Dan Trachtenberg. Available on 14th June on Bluray and DVD US.

Being released this week on DVD and BLURAY on Tuesday 14th June in the US,With this being one of the cleverest and confusing advertising campaigns, from JJ Abrams, executive producer of this film, that looked like a possible sequel to 2008 Cloverfield, the first person point of view of a monster attack on New York, especially in  Manhattan,with incredibly good looking actors trying to survive a night. Then seven years later this movie comes out,with a trailer that gives very little away,  but certainly hinting it is in the same universe as the previous movie. With a film that is so not like the previous movie, it isn't even a distant relative, told from the point of view of a modern day survivalist (John Goodman) Who has been preparing for this time for years, with a ten year supply of tinned food, and water, the only thing is he doesn't want to be lonely,so he has guests, that certainly are not there on thier own free will.
The film starting with an argument, and then a woman …

The Other Side Of The Door (2016) Film Review.Distributed by 20th Century Fox. Produced by Alexandre Aja. Directed by Johannes Roberts. Available on 7th June On Bluray DVD US.

Another disappointing movie,with the same message sometimes dead is better,with the film almost being a carbon copy of Pet Cemetery,set in India,starring Sarah Wayne Callies from The Walking Dead,and Jeremy Sisto,who I haven't seen in quite awhile,starring in some great films in the nineties such As White Squall,The Hideaway and Clueless,with a recurring role in the 2000's in Six Feet Under. With this film being directed by Johannes Roberts the British director most famous for his film ( F.) or Expelled in the UK, and directing the TV movie Roadkill for Primetime Television in 2011. With this film being co-produced by Alexandre Aja, The Hills Have Eyes,and Mirrors director,turned producer on this movie,and is it any good,well no not really,we have a well acted creepy horror,that in the end goes nowhere. A simple story that the land of the living should never mess with the otherworld,or the land of the dead,and no matter how you want that soul back,it should stop where it is,it h…

The Revenant (2016) Film Review. Distributed by 20th Century Fox.Based on the book by Michael Punke. Directed by Alejandro G. Iñárritu.

I'm being totally honest this film took me three attempts to watch,not that the film is bad,it is just so intense one minute then incredibly boring the next,with sporadic episodes of extreme violence,to wake you from your slumber,from the opening attack from Sioux Indians,within minutes of the film starting,you just about get over that,then that bloody bear attack happens. The most brutal and realistic attack ever seen onscreen, a scene so brilliant,that it is hard to see where the real bear is,and where the CGI one comes in. It is ferocious,but so real,the way Hawk fights back,whilst being eaten alive,and punched,and scratched, is just to much to take. The fact it happens so quick,and like in real life the injuries wouldn't be apparent till after the attack.because the body in fight or flight mode,and adrenaline pumping,but this scene Alone makes this a five star movie. If you are not totally blown away and exhausted from this scene,well there is something not quite right wit…

Stone Cold (1991) Film Review.Vision Pictures,Stone Group Pictures. Distributed by Columbia Pictures. Directed by Craig R. Baxley.

Stone Cold from 1991 making its debut onto DVD and Bluray especially in the UK,is a strange release this week,a super uber-violent film taken straight out of the eighties and represented as a nineties film,we have long hair,mullets,muscles, starring in his motion picture debut Brian Bosworth,an ex professional American Footballer,trying to muscle in literally into the action man market. Trying And surprisingly failing miserably,to keep up with the new boys, Seagal, Van Damme,Snipes,Brandon Lee,to name a few,with surprisingly Stallone and Schwarzenegger opting for more comedy roles in the early nineties and also failing with classics like Stop Or My Mum Will Shoot,Kindergarten Cop to name a few. In all fairness this film isn't bad,it stars Lance Heriksen ( 'Chains' Cooper) William Forsythe (Ice) as two of the most over the top bad guys in motion picture history, two leaders of a White Supremacist Biking Gang,known for all types of organised crime,including assassinations,drug…

Code Of Honor (2016) film review. Distributed by Grindstone Entertainment Group, Lionsgate.Produced by Michael Winnick,Steven Seagal.Directed by Michael Winnick.

Once again I'm as surprised as you are,that I have enjoyed two Seagal films in less than a year,with Absolution last year,with two more on the way,with Asian Connection and Sniper Special Ops to look forward to. Code Of Honor another straight to DVD effort,and surprisingly a decent film,with a great script and storyline. Which if starred any other actor,or even a bigger budget would have had have a bigger impact,but starring Steven Seagal it is destined to be forgotten. Starring Craig Sheffer the Some Kind Of Wonderful and Nightbreed star,who has strangely gone MIA in recent years,but still recognisable,if a little heavier, also starting James Russo,Louis Mandylor,R.D Call and Swedish actress Helena Mattsson. A simple story of revenge Col Robert Sikes (Seagal) a special forces commander serving in Irac believing what he is doing is keeping his family safe back home,but the opposite happening with his Wife and Daughter dying in a drive by shooting,the usual wrong place wrong time. He…

June 6th Dvd and Bluray films released in the UK and US. Check daily for reviews on all these titles.

I will be reviewing films that come out now on a weekly basis such as DVD and Bluray releases. The main films released this week in the UK are The Revenant, Code Of Honour,Stone Cold, Hopefully The Joker if I can get myself a copy. Then the US releases of The Other Side of the Door, and 13 Hours the Michael Bay action movie.

Intruders (2015) Film Review. Produced by Steven Schneider,ErikOlsen,Jeff Rice,Lati Grobman. Distributed by StudioCanal UK. Directedby Adam Schindler.

Released today in the UK on DVD and Bluray, intruders or Shut In as it is known in some countries,is a little jem of a film I knew nothing about,and that is the best way to enjoy this great film,is watch it blindly,do not read about it,watch trailers,or spoilers online,just watch it,stream it,own it whatever as it really is a decent film. It is very much comparable to Your Next,or Housebound,both similar,both with a surprise twist,and all three having very strong female leads in. A simple story of a brother and sister living together in this house,with the brother terminally ill with Cancer,with the sister his primary caregiver. Ideal as she has agrophobia and hasn't left the house in ten years,with only a friendly face of the meals on wheels service delivered hot food daily for company.  And that is the way she likes it,until her brother finally loses his battle,and she is left on her own,with a strange conversation one day with the meal delivery guy,she offers him a load of mon…

When The Lights Went Out (2012) Film Review. Directed by Pat Holden. Distributed by Revolver Entertainment

A fantastic little British chiller,with the Enfield Haunting already made in the UK made for Sky One,and The Conjuring 2 being made by James Wan,about  the same haunting. We have this true story set in Rural Yorkshire in the early seventies, with it being the most violent,poltergeist Haunting ever recorded on record.The Maynard family move into 30 East Drive Chequerfield Pontefract West Yorkshire,and known locally as The Black Monk Of Pontefract Haunting, a pedophile who prayed on Children,who the church silenced,and had him hung secretly. The problem is his very angry spirit remains in this house.

The Maynard's realise almost instantly that something is wrong with the house,with most of the Haunting taking place in the bedroom of the teenage daughter Sally, wonderfully acted  by Tasha Connor.
The thing that struck me immediately was the attention to detail to the time period is absolutely spot on,with me being a seventies child myself. To the wallpaper,to the curtains that do no…

Dark Was The Night(2014) Film Review.Distributed by ImageEntertainment. Directed by Jack Heller.

This is a slow mover of a thriller,a monster in the woods type movie. With a very slow reveal,of the monster,which is not revealed till the final 15 minutes. Based on local folklore,about a mythical Creature,a demon of sorts,with hoofed feet ,that is residing in the woods,and trees.

Set in upstate rural New York,the residents of this small town are awakened One morning with supernatural foot prints that start in the town,and eventually disappears into the woods,with the Sheriff believing it to be a prank, But with Local livestock going missing,and mutilated,Horses,and other livestock.When a bunch of hunters,are attacked by an unknown force,in the woods by something so quick they never saw it coming,the Sheriff and townsfolk believe something supernatural is actually happening here.

With a superb performance from Kevin Durand,as the Sheriff,still grieving for a lost son,for a low budget movie,it has surprisingly above average acting,that takes this film from a cheap B-movie,to actuall…